Sharing good news with other people makes it feel better, and an enthusiastic reply makes it feel better still. In daily diary studies, telling others about a positive event was linked with more positive emotion and wellbeing that day, beyond the effect of the event itself, and the benefit was larger when the listener responded actively and constructively. [gable-2004-capitalization] This guide covers what psychologists call capitalization, why the way someone responds matters, and how to share and respond well. Our overview of relationships covers the wider field.
What is capitalization?
Capitalization is the psychologists’ word for telling other people about good things that happen to you. The research behind it asked what people do when things go right and not only when things go wrong. [gable-2004-capitalization]
In two studies of daily life, communicating personal positive events with others was associated with increased daily positive affect and wellbeing, above and beyond the impact of the event itself and other daily events. [gable-2004-capitalization]
Why does sharing good news help?
It makes the news feel more valuable, and an enthusiastic listener adds to that. Reis and colleagues ran four experiments and a daily diary study. They found that sharing good news raised how much people valued the event, especially when the listener responded enthusiastically, and that enthusiastic responses built trust in the listener. Support for both ideas appeared in interactions between strangers and in everyday close relationships. [reis-2010-capitalization]
Studies of couples add a relationship angle. Two studies found that close relationships in which a partner typically responds to good news enthusiastically were associated with higher relationship wellbeing, such as intimacy and daily marital satisfaction. [gable-2004-capitalization]
What is active constructive responding?
It is an engaged, enthusiastic reply to someone’s good news. The researchers compared responses that were active and constructive with passive and destructive ones, and the benefits of sharing were further enhanced when others were perceived to respond actively and constructively. [gable-2004-capitalization] The four combinations sound like this:
| Response style | What it sounds like | Example reply to “I got the job” |
|---|---|---|
| Active constructive | Engaged and enthusiastic, asks questions | ”That is wonderful. What happened when they called?” |
| Passive constructive | Pleased, but low-key | ”That is nice.” |
| Active destructive | Points out the downsides | ”Are you sure you can handle the longer commute?” |
| Passive destructive | Ignores the news or changes the subject | ”Anyway, guess what happened to me today.” |
The example replies are our illustrations and not wording from the studies. The labels and the pattern come from the research: the benefits grew with the first style.
Does the way people respond predict how a relationship goes?
In one study it did, and more strongly for good news than for bad. In a study of 79 dating couples, how partners responded to positive events predicted relationship wellbeing and break-ups two months later, more strongly than how they responded to negative events. [gable-2006-support]
That is a pointer and not proof. The couples were dating rather than long married, the follow-up was two months, and an association over that time cannot show that the responses caused the outcomes.
How do you share good news well?
Tell someone who is likely to be glad for you, and give them something to respond to. The steps below are our practical outline of what the research suggests and not a tested programme.
- Pick your listener. Choose someone who has been glad for you before. The benefits in the research came with enthusiastic responses, so start with a person likely to give one.
- Say what happened and why it matters to you. Detail gives the other person something to ask about.
- Pause and let them respond. Notice whether they ask questions and show interest.
- Return the favour. Ask about their good news and reply with the same interest.
A five-minute good news swap
Find someone you trust and take turns. Each of you has two minutes to share one piece of good news from this week. The listener asks two questions about it before saying anything else.
3:00
Share only what you want to, and stop whenever you like. This is practice for everyday closeness, not therapy.
Done. Notice whether the good news felt a little bigger after you told it.
How do you respond to someone else’s good news?
Show real interest before you do anything else. That is the active constructive style in practice: ask a question, let the other person tell the story, and match their excitement. These suggestions are ours and not findings.
- Put your phone down and look at them.
- Ask open questions. “How did it happen?” and “How did it feel?” work better than “Really?”
- Name the feeling. “You sound thrilled” shows you are paying attention.
- Leave the caveats for later, or leave them out.
Our guide to active listening covers the wider skill, and our guide to emotional intimacy covers how sharing feelings builds closeness.
How do you usually respond to good news?
Tick anything that is true for you most of the time. This is a prompt for reflection, not a test, and it produces no diagnosis.
0 of 5 ticked
You already respond in the way the research links with the biggest benefits. Notice the moments when it is hard, such as when you are tired or the news stings.
A few of these are habits. Pick one that is missing and try it with the next piece of good news you hear.
Few of these are habits yet, which is common. Start with one question about what happened.
No screener on this site measures how you respond to good news. The self-assessment hub lists the seven we do have.
What gets in the way?
A flat reply, envy and an unsafe relationship can all get in the way. If someone else’s good news makes you feel small, our guide to why other people’s good news can hurt covers why. If a partner regularly dismisses or belittles your news, that is worth raising, and a counsellor can help.
The research has limits. Some of it is correlational, the longest follow-up described here was two months, and the studies describe typical patterns and not what will happen in any one conversation.
When to seek help
Speak to a doctor, therapist or couples counsellor if you find it hard to feel or share good news at all, if a partner regularly dismisses or belittles it, or if loneliness or low mood is affecting your days. Our guide to loneliness covers the wider picture.
If a relationship involves fear, control or violence, sharing exercises are not the answer. Our guide to coercive control covers the signs, and local emergency services or a domestic abuse support service can help. If you feel unable to keep yourself safe, contact your local emergency services or a crisis helpline.
How MyFreud can help
Whether sharing good news is changing how your days feel is hard to judge from memory. Daily mood tracking in MyFreud shows the pattern across weeks, so you can compare the days you told someone something good with the days you kept it to yourself. It does not replace the people in your life, or a therapist.
Download MyFreud and start today: App Store or Google Play.